Perfectly Random #2

At the end of another box of notes, I'm finding that I can't pass up sharing some of the random things I have saved (now for 11 years) with no rhyme or reason. 

In the year 2000, I re-became best friends with Dori after 6 years apart. Somewhere between 2nd grade with Mrs. Armentrout and ending up in the same team for 8th grade, we drifted apart. Not to worry, however, because we picked right back up where we left off. The only issue? I had forgotten my way around her home. Luckily, she was kind enough to draw me a map in anticipation of my first visit. 

It was probably also around this time that I wished I had burned the following note, since I didn't have the required passion to cheer on the SMS sports teams due to my (apparently intense but ignored) depressive attitudes.

Code language. Every girls best friend.

Scratch that. Apparently Lip Smackers are every girls best friend. So much so that a list of all of the flavors that Dori owned was required. She carried a different one every day, no way she was going to have the same smell on her lips two days in a row! That's dedication, if you ask me.

Another map. This one is funny because it was the very first time I had my idea to open a cards, coffee, books and ice cream store - which is still my retirement dream today. The only thing that has changed (so far) is that I don't think I'll require my store to have a moat.

And finally, a whole slew of random stuff.

Yes. Those are giant underwear. Yes. They were a gift. (Thanks Dori!) And yes. I did have them hanging on my bedroom wall until I went to college. 

Other things include.. 

A fake rose from when Navid told me that "like this plastic rose, our love would never die."

A bubble blowing, light up, cheerleader stamp pen. Goooooooooo Comets!!

A "perfect man" keychain, because apparently I thought I could afford to be picky back then. ("I don't ask for much in a man. He just has to be tall, rich, sexy, single, funny, romantic, sweet, sensitive and of course he has to be willing to feed me ice cream in bed every night for the rest of my life." - Really? What kind of man with those qualities wants to pump you full of food while you sit around without even expending the energy to lift a spoon to your face?)

The cover of KT Fantasy's first album.

A plastic eyepatch (not sure on that one.)

A glowstick from the 98* concert.

My face in a surfer girl keychain (God, why did I love keychains?)

A fake Alaskan Moose Nugget chapstick. "It won't heal your lips, but it sure keeps you from lickin' em!" (I wonder who that could have been from...)

Still wondering about the underwear? Check this out and enjoy... Pinch Me - Barenaked Ladies

A Friendship's End: A Poem From the Edge

After a far too long break between posts, I've decided to throw in the next installment of "Poems From the Edge." 


I'm assuming that, as my avid followers (right?), you've picked up on a bit of lady love between my friend Kristen and I. Our obsession with one another was unhealthy to the point where, our "break-up" haunted me for a long time to come. About a month into my Freshman year at a new high school, I was sitting at lunch with my two new best friends. I decided this was the perfect time to tell them that, no matter what, they would inevitably screw me over. Why they didn't just up and leave right then, I don't know. Thankfully, they stuck around and my Kristen-induced depression didn't last for much more than a couple years. 


The good news is, that it brought me this poem. Again, turned in for a grade. I got an A (despite my spelling error, knifes, much?) and nobody even checked my wrists. 





After some time had gone by, I decided to reach out to Kristen to let her know how miserable I was without her. I sent her an email wishing her and her boyfriend (the source of all our troubles) a happy anniversary. This began the following email chain, which I can tell you was completely exhausting and totally pointless. 

Girls are awful. Especially when they use all of the dramatics they learned from Dawson's Creek to craft an email. And when they're acting like they were getting divorced rather than cutting out a couple IMs and sleepovers. And when they say things like "I feel like a possession." Gag. 


Hey, 8th grade me, you're not that cool and neither was she. Get over it.


At least I finally learned how to become a whole person!

Sexual Education.

Let's talk about sex (baby). Lucky for 8th graders, who have already been talking about it, the topic is finally brought up in health class to answer all of our questions that we haven't asked anyone outside of an AOL chat room. 


a/s/l?


The unfortunate thing is that my friends and I were getting more education from Dawson's Creek than we were actually getting in class, which is why the following note puts DC above the real facts.

Just a few questions on this...
1. How did it take the sex lady the whole first day to cover how great sex is... could that really have taken a full 40 minute class period and remained appropriate?
2. What exactly is this "stuff" that is going to pass through the 1/7 of the doctor's glove?
3. Was the gym scene in Mean Girls based off of this note?


Luckily, I got my hands on the handy pamphlet "A Boy Today, A Man Tomorrow," because obviously all the girls were more interested in what was going on across the hall in the boys room. While the entire thing is both entertaining and educational, I have decided to share the myths and Q&A section with you.. just incase you need a refresher on whether or not masturbation will make you go crazy.

What they don't mention here is that those sexual feelings have a remedy, I've heard it's called sexual healing and it can be taken in small doses if you feel hot like an oven, have a sea stormin' inside you or feel emotional stability leaving. 


Umm.. typical 8th grader in-the-midst-of-puberty responses?
Check, check, check.


My other personal favorites in the question section of this book include:
- Q: What can you do if you are too fat?
- Q: Do more hair and deeper voice make a person more of a man? A: No. This is a false idea.
- Q: Does having larger sex organs make a person more of a man? A: This is absolutely not true. (A little defensive, are we?)
- Q: Can a boy be a father?
- Q: Where can I get additional material to read? A: Paperback copies of helpful books about sex may be purchased. (All boy's first thought: so Playboy does count!)


Now for all my male readers, I'd like to leave you with this little tidbit:


Remember being a man means more than just growing up physically. It means growing up in knowledge and wisdom, in respect for your self and for others, and in love and knowledge of God. (Wuh-oh, public school slip up!)


May you grow to full manhood, and make the best possible use of your life in the world. And may you find new joy and real pride in every new step along the way!

miss ya 4 eva

So, it turns out that in addition to my Brokedown Palace girly-love, I also had an admirer. I'm not sure how I could have been so depressed when I was getting notes like this:

A little demanding, are we? I must be your friend?

It's okay, she (yes, that's female handwriting) made up for it when she called me pretty and told me she got rid of all her other friends to make room for me. That's not creepy at all!

I wasn't good at sports either though, so I guess there's a commonality.

Oh, shoot. The end of the year and I was off to Walsh. It's too bad our 3-note friendship couldn't stand the test of a 30 minute drive, but, ya know, that happens.

After all, things get in the way. 

College, work or wat eva.