Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Invisible Chains

I really don't think there is much set up required for what you're about to read. One summer, I went off to church camp for a week (because why should the Jewish kids get to have all the summer fun at their month long camp adventures?) At camp, in between all of the "Our God is an Awesome God" singing, I fell in love with a boy with a fish hook on his hat. It was a little disturbing considering the whole I Know What You Did Last Summer obsession of '97, but I got past it. 

After a week of looking at each other from across the dining hall, we parted ways. Shortly after, I received the following letter.

Let's discuss.

One. I'm so glad that he clarified that indeed, I (you!!), was the hot girl at camp to which he was referring. I'm lucky that he didn't get all of his Jesus-loving-girlfriends confused. With his great pen-palling and overall grammar skills, I bet he had quite a few. 

Two. Hey, if you're wondering how to get a girl to swoon over you, just tell her about a near death experience. Immediately follow up with something super-casual, like, "so what's new?" This way it will make you look like a belly-smacking badass - with a soft side.

Three. I prefer woman, thankyouverymuch.

Four. If this kid doesn't have a future in stunt doubling, he can surely become a songwriter for Soul Decision, though I'm not sure which would be more dangerous. Glue and chains to the eyeball might hurt worse than his fish hook to my heart. 

Five. Thanks for clarifying that even though I can call you by an age inappropriate sexual innuendo, you'll sign using your formal, wolf-packy name since it is easier to write in cursive. Those capital letters were always a bitch for me too. 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Fickley Honest

A couple days ago, a friend approached me with the concept of being 'Fickley Honest.' In essence, what this means, is that he can hit on anyone he wants - just as long as he feels the way he says he does at the time he says it. No worries that he might walk away and change his mind.

I think I had this concept down in the 6th grade, but in a slightly different fashion. 

One day, I was gathering with Robyn and our friend Nate to create never-ending lists about why Scott was a 'jerk-off' and the next I was gushing in my diary about my intense love for Scott and making my own lists about why he was destined to be my future husband. So fickle, but oh-so honest.

The only problem is (and what my pal from above hasn't realized yet) is that people find out about your fickiality. And Scott found out about the lists, which we apparently referred to as "The Bible." (No dramatics here.)

Bummer that Scott had to find out like that. And more of a bummer that I was giving myself life tips on how love works. I was also having creepily detailed dreams back then.

Anyway, this revelation that I was SO in love with Scott encouraged me to update my list a little bit. Still the truth, but with a different sentiment this time.

To this day, I still cry when I hear the name Scott. Honest.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

It's a Love Story...

I realized that I mistakenly began this blog with notes and advanced research term papers from the 6th grade, when in fact, I have items that go even further back.

My first diary begins on my 11th birthday, July 4th, 2007. Not long after I was a bright-eyed 5th grader who was immediately drawn to a blonde hair, blue eyed boy named Ryan. The only problem was that he has just gotten out of a pretty long-term, serious relationship. Yes.. unfortunately Ryan and Robyn had been together since the 2nd grade at Roxbury Elementary. 

Apparently - even after befriending Robyn - I didn't care very much about their love, as evidenced by the following:

If you're wondering... yes, I did form an RG Club. As in, the initials of the boy I was in love with. You might think that I was the only member, but Robyn joined right in and Kristen tagged along for good measure. And no, my stringy mess of unkept hair did not look good - with or without layers.

Not long after this point, the R & R couple split and I thought it was going to be my chance! Kristen disagreed. Let's see why:

OH! Because he told me to drink puke. I see now. That's not a phrase of affection? "Hey honey, would you mind stopping to pick up some milk? Aww.. love you too! Drink vomit!"

But I showed her! 

I got this note around 10:00 am - if I recall correctly it was passed during class. (Math, maybe. Why else would it be on graph paper?)

I said yes! I was filled with joy and happiness and all the good things that come along with going out with the cute boy who has your same eye and hair color and might look like he's related to you!

And then he dumped me. Six hours later. When I got off the bus. The phone was ringing when I walked in the house.


But, as you know, all love stories have a happy ending - and this was mine:

(This may be difficult to read, both in content and appearance - so I will help you out. The post script here indicates that if Ryan and I keep going out - beyond six hours this time - I will buy a key chain that says 'He holds the key to my heart.')

Something like this, I'd imagine: 

Why did I love keychains so much?