Invisible Chains

I really don't think there is much set up required for what you're about to read. One summer, I went off to church camp for a week (because why should the Jewish kids get to have all the summer fun at their month long camp adventures?) At camp, in between all of the "Our God is an Awesome God" singing, I fell in love with a boy with a fish hook on his hat. It was a little disturbing considering the whole I Know What You Did Last Summer obsession of '97, but I got past it. 


After a week of looking at each other from across the dining hall, we parted ways. Shortly after, I received the following letter.

Let's discuss.

One. I'm so glad that he clarified that indeed, I (you!!), was the hot girl at camp to which he was referring. I'm lucky that he didn't get all of his Jesus-loving-girlfriends confused. With his great pen-palling and overall grammar skills, I bet he had quite a few. 

Two. Hey, if you're wondering how to get a girl to swoon over you, just tell her about a near death experience. Immediately follow up with something super-casual, like, "so what's new?" This way it will make you look like a belly-smacking badass - with a soft side.

Three. I prefer woman, thankyouverymuch.

Four. If this kid doesn't have a future in stunt doubling, he can surely become a songwriter for Soul Decision, though I'm not sure which would be more dangerous. Glue and chains to the eyeball might hurt worse than his fish hook to my heart. 

Five. Thanks for clarifying that even though I can call you by an age inappropriate sexual innuendo, you'll sign using your formal, wolf-packy name since it is easier to write in cursive. Those capital letters were always a bitch for me too.