Sunday, March 27, 2011

Perfectly Random

I typically try to tell some kind of story with these notes, diary entries and (sometimes) photos. However, some things don't really fit - and in my personal opinion - they're too good not to share.  Please enjoy a random collection of unrelated items:

First of all... Kelsey - you asked him out in a note, you don't have to jump in with "before you answer that." You didn't have the guts to ask him out in person, so he's not going to answer that way. It's also pretty sad that I needed to specify that I would like to be treated well. Really?

Wait, was he hot?

I don't even know who this came from or why, though I do have a hunch based on the tiny handwriting. I'm sure he's a children's book illustrator these days.

The following are song lyrics that I wrote for my band, "KT Fantasy." Please don't pass these along to any record producers or musical artists, as they will likely try to rip off this fantastic display of songwriting ability.

Woah, I got really into it there at the end. All those 'corus' repeats there must be exhausting. I can't tell which Mean Girls character this makes me - Regina George just being a bitch, or Cady Heron exposing that ditzy hoe for what she really is. Perhaps somewhere in between, considering this was written after she had me called to the principal's office for "threatening to kill her" on the bus.

I didn't, by the way.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Base in yo face.

I'm sure by this point, you're all on the edge of your seat wondering who my first french ended up being. 

What was his name?
What did he look like?

Well I'll tell you. His name was Matt, and from what I can recall, he had really nice abs for a 12-year-old.

Actually, here's a picture for you:

Turns out that when I wasn't trying to get boys to smooch me, I was using my awesome "Paint" skills to draw up pictures of them.

I'm honestly not sure how this kid even came into my life, as I had never mentioned him previously - but he asked me out and I said yes. Why? Because he was a bad boy and I still wanted to get my french on. 

I started to get worried that after we had two 'dates' and nothing happened that I was doomed. I rationalized it, though, remarking that Scream 3 was too scary and liplocking at a school dance was sooooooooo tacky!

But then Valentine's Day rolled around and my hope was reborn!

The recap.
The plot.

The card.
Heck yeah! My man knew what was important. I will take the french kiss please!

Or will I...?

Let me clarify here that I did not use the term "gay" as a substitute for stupid. At this point, I literally meant that he humped other boys in the hallway and thought it was funny. I did not, but apparently I let it slide. 

Two days later, at a party...

"So then I had to go and it was just me Matt and Jimmy on one side of the basement and Jimmy was on the phone with Carrie and he looked just as we started frenching! So I was thinking 'OOOOOO!! BASE!' So then I was like ok I gotta go and we hugged and I left. So then today Kristen told me she she heard Jimmy and Matt talking before we frenched and Jimmy had asked if we had. So Jimmy cares! And he might be jealous! And I'm not using Matt to make Jimmy jealous but it's kinda an added bonus I guess!"

Oh. How romantic. Even I was disappointed when I got to this point in the diaries and this was all I had to show for my first tonsil hockey experience. 

Things didn't get much better. 

Well... at least he was honest. At this point, I'm really just glad I recognized what he was trying to do by asking me all of those questions. From everything else I have had the joy of reading, I seemed like I was so dense I wouldn't even understand when someone was trying to dump me. 

So, what can we take away from this one? 
1. My Photoshop skills needed to improve greatly if I was ever going to make it in the design world.
2. It's perfectly fine to creep on someone to the point where you have their locker combination in your possession, but once you get to the point of actually breaking in - that's when you should feel like you're really living on the wild side. 
3. I shouldn't have been surprised to find my present in his locker. Where did I think he was going to keep it?
4. Being embarrassed to be associated with someone probably isn't a sign of good things to come, get out while you still can!
5. We should all start using the phrase "base in your face" more often.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The French Quarter: A drinking game.

It stands to reason that once I had fully devoted my affections to Jimmy, I would want to act upon my desire to kiss him. Within two days I was already plotting my attack, despite the interruptions of that pesky 8th grader, Regina.

And so it began... I would like everyone to now take a moment to grab themselves a beverage of their choice, as I am implementing the first ever Hindsight Project Drinking Game, in honor of Mardi Gras. 

The rules: Every time you see the word "Jimmy," "opportunity," or "french" you must take a sip. Please don't read this if you have to drive shortly after, as you are in for a real treat. 

November 2nd: Jimmy told Kristen he wants to kiss me! I keep thinking about kissing him!

November 3rd: Jimmy is gonna FRENCH me! That's gonna be like first kiss/french!

November 4th: Ok, well here is what's happening. If me and Kristen and Matt and Jimmy go somewhere then we are gonna french. But I might not be allowed!

November 11th: Well, tomorrow is Friday and I'm probably gonna french Jimmy! We are going to the movies for Matt's birthday. That's about it.

November 12th: Well, I kissed Jimmy. But we didn't french. It wasn't like a quick kiss but it was over pretty fast. I touched his teeth with my tongue and then he pulled away. I really want to french him! Kristen and Matt frenched 3 times!

November 17th: Well, Jimmy told Tori that he didn't french me because he didn't want to feel like he was competing with Matt. 

November 21st: I really want to french him before I leave for vacation. I think Tuesday after the game someone is going to have a party (we don't have school Wednesday). Maybe I will french him there.

November 28th: Well, I still haven't frenched Jimmy, but I haven't really had the opportunity. I know when I do I will french him. 

December 3rd: Well, Jimmy and I are cool, another Friday and I haven't kissed him yet. Well - not frenched him anyways.

December 5th: Well... nothing has happened. Tori thinks I'm crazy cause I haven't frenched Jimmy yet. And it's not really my fault, we just haven't had the opportunity but hopefully this Friday...

December 12th: GOD! I STILL HAVEN'T FRENCHED JIMMY! AND HE IS LEAVING FRIDAY SO I AM NOT GOING TO SEE HIM ON THE WEEKEND UNTIL JANUARY. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL JANUARY TO FRENCH HIM. I could have frenched George tonight, but I didn't. So, Jimmy, you should feel very very special! I don't know...

December 13th: I have been going out with [Jimmy] for a month and 15 days today. That means Thursday will be a month and 18 days - as long as me and Scott. So that's cool. Now that I think about it, I don't mind as much that I haven't frenched Jimmy cause it will be my first french and I don't just want it to be because everyone else wanted me to. I mean, I still want to really bad. But I'm not as anxious.

December 22nd: Well, I'm leaving tomorrow and I didn't french Jimmy so I didn't get my wish! But it doesn't matter to me as much because I like the pace our relationship is going. But... if I still haven't frenched him in 3 months, I think that would be in the "too slow" category. 
Well, Jimmy and I never had the opportunity to french... we broke up.

Shortly after, the my bitter never-been-kissed self had the following rant. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my desperation to get to first base - or what you're about to read. 

Indeed, life does go on. 

The end... of Jimmy. 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Welpers! I think I'm in love.

The background: The boy you are about to hear about may be new to you, but in the 7th grade he was already an old flame. According to future diary entries, I pulled Jimmy out from the ranks of Laney Boggs and brought him up to my C-List popularity. My 6th grade courtship with Jimmy was short-lived, as the summertime distance became too much for us to handle. The other problem was that I liked 857 other boys at all times. Apparently as a wise 12-year-old I noticed this trend and was willing to finally settle down. 

Welpers! Four whole days sure do mean a lot, I'm sure the depth of my love was unmistakable at this point. If not liking other boys didn't show him, those little hearts with his name at the bottom of every entry should have done the trick.

Oh, apparently it did. 

Does anyone else think it's odd that I was telling my diary that it had no idea how much I liked Jimmy? If anyone knew, it was the poor beat up ballerina diary that I gushed my dramatics into every night. 

Aside from that, I just feel appalled by my use of the word like and the fact that I was carrying around a photo of myself as a bargaining chip and expecting it would actually get me somewhere. 

Portable CD Players aside, I got the best gift I could have asked for a few short days later when Jimmy slipped me the following note...

Hot damn, he sure knows how to make a girl melt. 

Top three worst ways to confess your love for someone:

1) A bouquet of SADD-sponsored red carnations.
2) Through a song that includes any of the following phrases:
  • Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep.
  • If you're asking do I love you this much, I do.
  • Let me prove my love is real, and make you feel the way I feel.
3) Through a sweaty palmed crumpled up note, passed between classes and immediately followed by "I sound gay" and "you're not a bitch."