Base in yo face.

I'm sure by this point, you're all on the edge of your seat wondering who my first french ended up being. 


What was his name?
What did he look like?


Well I'll tell you. His name was Matt, and from what I can recall, he had really nice abs for a 12-year-old.


Actually, here's a picture for you:

Turns out that when I wasn't trying to get boys to smooch me, I was using my awesome "Paint" skills to draw up pictures of them.


I'm honestly not sure how this kid even came into my life, as I had never mentioned him previously - but he asked me out and I said yes. Why? Because he was a bad boy and I still wanted to get my french on. 


I started to get worried that after we had two 'dates' and nothing happened that I was doomed. I rationalized it, though, remarking that Scream 3 was too scary and liplocking at a school dance was sooooooooo tacky!


But then Valentine's Day rolled around and my hope was reborn!

The recap.

The plot.

The card.

Heck yeah! My man knew what was important. I will take the french kiss please!

Or will I...?

Let me clarify here that I did not use the term "gay" as a substitute for stupid. At this point, I literally meant that he humped other boys in the hallway and thought it was funny. I did not, but apparently I let it slide. 

Two days later, at a party...

"So then I had to go and it was just me Matt and Jimmy on one side of the basement and Jimmy was on the phone with Carrie and he looked just as we started frenching! So I was thinking 'OOOOOO!! BASE!' So then I was like ok I gotta go and we hugged and I left. So then today Kristen told me she she heard Jimmy and Matt talking before we frenched and Jimmy had asked if we had. So Jimmy cares! And he might be jealous! And I'm not using Matt to make Jimmy jealous but it's kinda an added bonus I guess!"

Oh. How romantic. Even I was disappointed when I got to this point in the diaries and this was all I had to show for my first tonsil hockey experience. 

Things didn't get much better. 

Well... at least he was honest. At this point, I'm really just glad I recognized what he was trying to do by asking me all of those questions. From everything else I have had the joy of reading, I seemed like I was so dense I wouldn't even understand when someone was trying to dump me. 

So, what can we take away from this one? 

1. My Photoshop skills needed to improve greatly if I was ever going to make it in the design world.

2. It's perfectly fine to creep on someone to the point where you have their locker combination in your possession, but once you get to the point of actually breaking in - that's when you should feel like you're really living on the wild side. 

3. I shouldn't have been surprised to find my present in his locker. Where did I think he was going to keep it?

4. Being embarrassed to be associated with someone probably isn't a sign of good things to come, get out while you still can!

5. We should all start using the phrase "base in your face" more often.