Mott's Apple Sauce

When a man loves a woman, he can do no wrong. But, when a girl loves a boy - things get a little creepy. 


First you come up with a code name for the boy in question. In this case, we can call Thomas the "apple of my eye", because his super secret code name was Mott's. 


(Hint: Take the first three letters of your name, reverse them, and come up with something clever. Are you a Mike? You're now Kim. Are you a Conor? You're now Knock. Are you an Anthony? You're now TiNA.)


The brand-naminess was hard to resist and my friends started bringing a lot of applesauce to school and slipping the lids into my locker, leading to a lot of "Ohmigod! You guyssssss!" moments.

Once a good code name is established, you can start writing notes freely. Mainly about how your friends are trying to convince the boy you like that they, in fact like you back.

They will also help you with important issues, like finding his phone number, providing topics to discuss during the first phone call, and voting on whether or not you should hook up.

The back of the pink sheet actually says, "Topics: - Navid, - Thursday Night"

Finally you're at the point where you can start sneakily (or not-so-sneakily, in my case) try to convince them that they have feelings for you.

The list... (I don't know where the last 13 reasons went.)

When that doesn't work out as planned, you can start writing notes that you'll never pass along or plan speeches that you'll never give.

And my personal favorite, you can doodle endlessly about your obsession and whether or not it is going to work out.

Some of the good stuff that I just have to call out:

- "I never should have signed off and I knew it."

- "Call him? Yeah, enough of this online shit. What time? Ninish?"

- "Hi, is Thomas home? there?"

- "If we have nothing to say just get off the phone. STOP STRESSING"

And... my repeated use of the lyrics to "Everything U R," which is actually a darn good song if you ask me.