Brokedown Palace

Up to this point, you might be getting the feeling that I was a bit boy-crazy back in the day. 


I was, there's no mistaking that. But apparently my dramatic tendencies spanned across all of my relationships, including those with friends.


What you are about to read is no doubt creepy now, but at the time was just a typical type of communication between my friend Kristen and me. Unfortunately I can't recall the note I had previously written her, but her response includes imagining the fun we would have in jail, and a vow to lay her life down for me. 


Just your everyday email...

click to enlarge

Let's break this down. (Ha.)

The spelling is killing me.

We would never fall for him because he had a nasty butt? What does a nasty butt entail exactly? And does anyone look good after eating bad Chinese food? I'm guessing the reason we wouldn't go for him is because we (hopefully) had the common sense not to run off to Hong Kong with a complete stranger. Never mind that little detail, though.

Really? Jail, dirt and cockroaches - fun? I don't care how much of blast I was, something tells me that being thrown in that environment wouldn't quite parallel the sleepovers we had with unlimited junk food, movies and AOL chat rooms. But, sure, let's keep going with this scenario.

What exactly is wrenching up your nerves and shouldering your guts? Is it just me, or does the last part of this email sound a bit like the drunken rants you see between bros in a high school party movie? Think - Can't Hardly Wait, Mike Dexter. 

And most of all... why is she acting like she already did this for me? Nobody had to jump in front of any cars - at the most I had to give someone a dirty look for her and she had to use her height to intimidate someone for me. 

Looking back, this appears to be a pretty unhealthy dependency on one another. I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have many, many more emails and notes like this one. Despite the fact that my 8th grade year was spent finding l-o-v-e with my first "long-term" relationship, Kristen was my first true heart break. 

I won't spoil what's to come, but needless to say - she was unable to hold up her end of the bargain to take that "whole new ride" when things got tough. And by tough, I mean, she got a boyfriend.